


As If By Surprise

by Durwolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, M/M, fairytale AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-03-23 12:10:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3767683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Durwolf/pseuds/Durwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Derek is a dragon who lives in a cave, deep, deep in the Bewildering Woods, and Prince Scott gets separated from his knight Stiles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Little Exposition

**Author's Note:**

> Expect few to no updates. This is crack fairytale AU. Crossposted to [my tumblr](http://durwolf.co.vu/post/116693448125/as-if-by-surprise-1).

Derek grumbled as he flossed his teeth. Roc bones always got stuck in his teeth, but they were easier to spot in the air than jackalopes or unicorns. He then began to search his den (cave, damn it, fucking Peter now had him mentally calling his cave a den) for his diamond toothpaste and diamondpaper toothbrush. They weren't cheap, but as his mom had told him, Laura, and Cora, it was better to lose a little of his hoard now than to find multiple impossibly large diamonds for dentures. That, and a good jeweler.

Right as he spotted one of his last tubes of Diamond Clear (With more diamonds per square inch than the next leading brand), he heard something odd in the distance. It almost sounded like a howl, but that was silly. Wolves hadn't lived in this part of the woods for over 60 years, and dogs never were this far into the Bewildering Woods. You'd have to be an idiot to come out this far without wings, considering this was almost ten miles from the nearest point on Desire Path.

He stilled and cocked his head, wondering if whatever it was would make another sound.

He was rewarded with a, "Hallo! Stiles, where did you go? Stiles? Anyone?"

Something intelligent then, much better than a wolf or a dog. Not that he had anything against them, but they tended to react badly to dragons. He went to peek out his door. The voice had sounded close, and while they would never find his cave, it was always good to see who it was. After all, it could be one of Regent Kate's hunters, and he remembered the last time he had dealt with that.

"Stiiiiiiiles, where'd you go? It's getting dark soon, and I'm pretty sure your dad is going to skin you alive, and me!"

Derek took to the skies, and began searching for wherever the voice was originating from.

"Stiles? Buddy? Come on man, it's not funny!"

Huh. A human-looking male. Derek perched on a tree, and watched as the human(?) threw his hands in the air. "Damn it Stiles, this was your idea! Let's go in the woods and find the fucking dragon Kate was hunting for, and see if it really is the thing killing the non-humans. In fact, let's look for the next body. And now, here we are, what might be hundreds of miles away from Desire Path, just because you thought you saw something scaley. I'm going to have nightmares for months about getting lost here."

That certainly told Derek what was going on here. Definitely was a human though, and everyone knows no other species liked to give expositions like humans did. Now, all he had to do was figure out how to get the human further away from his d-cave without being seen, reunite him with whatever a Stiles was, and then brush his teeth. Simple enough.

Well, it was simple enough until the human looked up at the rustling tree, and saw Derek sitting at the top of it. Derek knew the perfect way to handle this. His eyeridges furrowed, and he bared his teeth. "What are you doing here? This is private property."

"I was just looking for someone, but, uh, forget it. Uhm.” The human paused for a second. “Actually, have you seen a pale, skinny, and moley dude? About my age?" The human obviously started reacting to Derek's further furrowing brow, and realized its mistake. "No? I'll, I'll be leaving." The human began to back up, and as with Derek's luck, run straight (or as straight as someone **can** run in a forest known for its tricky ways) towards Derek's den.

Great.


	2. In Which Scott Isn't the Brightest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Scott finds a hole in the wall.

Prince Scott ran as fast as his legs could take him. Dragons were better known for capturing princesses, but as Stiles had once told him, he was like the hot girl that every guy wants. Maybe that applied to dragons, too.

Scott slowed down as he found a steep mountain in front of him. It was too tall to easily climb over, but wide enough While it narrowed down where exactly he could be in the Bewildering Woods, it didn't help him hide. He turned left and right, desperately searching for somewhere the dragon couldn't reach him. Scott looked back, worried that the dragon was close behind him. He couldn't hear tree branches crackling or leaves rustling, but he also couldn't hear birds or squirrels. A sure sign that the dragon (or something worse) was close.

Scott decided to run to the left. When going through mazes, you're supposed to go to the left, so why wouldn't it work for mountains? (Scott had heard this from Stiles. They had snuck out of the castle during harvest season, and Stiles convinced Scott to go through a corn maze. As Stiles put it, "In fairy tales, princes get lost in mazes. What happens if you get plopped in a maze by some angry king or queen? You'll starve to death!")

After running for what felt like miles, Scott noticed a strange rocky outcropping. It was definitely unnatural, and the closer he was to it, the more suspicious it looked. Piles of pale red boulders and stones were littered around, almost as if he were at the bottom of a quarry. No vegetation was around for a few yards around, especially in front of one particular boulder. This boulder sat flush against the mountain wall, and was a dark, dark grey. Its surface had been polished and there was a finely carved mark dead center of the polished side. Scott didn't recognize the mark, but he was sure Stiles would have. Not that it helped, considering Stiles was the one who got him stuck in this mess and then decided that disappearing would be a solid plan. Thanks Stiles. Greatest knight ever.

His curiosity temporarily overriding his fear of the dragon, Scott approached the giant boulder. His hand caressed the dark stone, and he was barely able to reach the etching. Whatever kind of stone it was, it was warm, soaking up the midday heat. As he continued walking around the rock, he noticed that there seemed to be something behind it- a hole in the wall, more than large enough for a man, and hopefully smaller than a dragon! Perfect for hiding. (Stiles would slap Scott upside the head when he found out later. "You hid behind a giant conspicious rock? Seriously? Why not douse yourself in ketchup next time, sprinkle on a little seasoning, and dance around wearing a sign saying COME FIND ME?")

Quickly it became clear that someone lived in the hole. The hole opened way to a grand ceiling, far higher than Castle Cathmhaol's. Holes that had to be at least the size of his fist were intermittantly poked through, and what light came through sparkled against what looked to be gold pieces and crystals speckled across the roughly hewn walls and ceilings. The rest of the light was supplemented by dimly lit magician's orbs halfway up the ceilings, similar to what he had at home. The insides were rather bare of furniture and the sort of knicknacks and curios that his mother collected, but intimidatingly large animal rugs lined the floor, and shelves upon shelves held carvings made from bones and wood, some highly intricate and large, others looked as if they had been made and forgotten within an hour. Scott decided that some sort of hermit lived out here, but due to the size and quality of what the hermit kept in their home, they obviously would know their way out of the Bewildering Woods.

"Hello?" he shouted. "Anyone home?" He hoped the hermit was friendly, and willing to help him find Stiles. Actually, he wouldn't even need the friendly part, just Common-speaking. He'd heard stories of men and women who spent so long in the woods, that they forgot how to speak! Now that, would be terrifying.

Obviously, no one was home, so Scott decided to take a nap on the rugs. They seemed clean enough, and he didn't want to sleep on the stranger's bed. He was getting hungry, too, but the dragon out there seemed far scarier than filling his empy belly. Besides, the hermit would probably be back soon, and maybe he could even ask if the hermit knew if the dragon was killing the non-humans! 

It never crossed his mind that the home belonged to the dragon, or that the "hermit" might be the one killing the non-humans. (Stiles slapped him upside the head for this, too.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow this became slightly less cracky, but it's still cracky? I don't even know


End file.
